Monday, August 19, 2013

Confessions of a Control Freak Entry #1

I originally started this blog as sort of a creative outlet and a place to share my passion and hopefully inspire a few people along the way. And while I truly enjoy doing that, I have also wanted to open up a bit and share a little more about myself and the struggles I go through from time to time. After all, we're all human. And I don't know a single human who doesn't struggle with something...if not many things. And who knows, maybe a few of you can even relate. (If you enjoy organizing as much as I do, I have a feeling you will.) So here goes....

Hi...My name is Susan and I'm a control freak.

There I said it. And because I know this about myself, I have decided to start an occasional segment that I'm calling:

Some of these entries will probably be a bit comical while others may be deeper than  as I share whatever life is throwing my way. Today's topic is a bit of a serious one as it is something I've been struggling with this past week.

Entry #1: Letting Go

I guess I've always known that I was am a control freak to an extent but it has totally taken on a new level since getting married and having kids. A week ago today was a prime example. Because you oldest started Kindergarten. 

Now don't get me wrong, this is not the first time my kiddos have been away from me for a period of time. They both started preschool at 2 and it was such a great decision for both them and myself. (I personally think we all need a little separation every now and again.) But this is FULL DAY (everyday) Kindergarten we are talking about. 

And while I was so excited for my little girl and couldn't wait for her to experience "big girl" school, something inside me ached after dropping her off. 

That first day was especially hard for me. And being home with her lil' sis was even more of a reminder that something...someone....was missing. We were both feeling it. And I know it was such a new experience for my youngest as well. Because up until now they had been together.....always. 

I kept wondering if she was scared or lonely, even though I knew deep down that she would thrive. And honestly, that was partially what scared me most of all. Not to see her learn and succeed....because that is exactly what I want for her. But for her to learn and discover life without me.....that was hard. Not so much what the teacher would "teach" her, but the everyday interactions and experiences with her peers. What if she came home saying things that her dad and I had (intentionally) NOT taught her?

Well, the first day came and went as did the rest of the first week. And I have to say, even though I am still struggling a bit, I know she is where she needs to be. She has loved every day. And she is still my sweet little punky that I know and love. I also know that this is just my first real experience of letting her go.

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  1. Great post Susan. I like that you're giving us a look at the real you. :-) Keep it up!

    1. Thanks Jamie. For whatever reason that isn't always easy for me to do. Thanks so much for your support. :)

  2. It is SO hard to let go, to feel like you're missing out on a part of their lives. It's a new chapter for them, and it can be difficult for us to deal with! It's SO hard at first, but it gets better as they get older. Weeeelll, not better, but different, at least. I think sending my oldest to high school last year was about as hard as his very first day of school! I'm already dreading his graduation, and it's still 2.5 years away!!

    1. Thanks for that Stephanie. I know I have so much more to learn and go through with these girls. I am and always have been close with my mom and I remember how hard it was for her to say goodbye when I went to college. The good thing I guess is that it seems like once college is over and the "real world" begins, we seem to go back to them a bit. :) Thanks for taking the time to comment. Have a great week.

  3. I am at a later stage in life. I've had a problem "letting" go of my oldest daughter. She will be leaving for college next week--and I'm still having a hard time letting her drive more than a few miles away from home. Thank goodness for this experience of parenthood. Without it, I don't think I would have experienced very much growth! Having kids kinda forces growth to happen!

    1. You are so right Miss Moe. When it hurts, there is always growth helping us to get through it and be that much stronger. Good luck with your daughter going to college. As much as she may not admit it, she will miss you too. Thank goodness for technology in these cases as well. We skype my parents weekly and it's almost like having them in out living room. Hang in there and thanks for sharing.



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