Hi...My name is Susan and I'm a control freak.
There I said it. And because I know this about myself, I have decided to start an occasional segment that I'm calling:
Some of these entries will probably be a bit comical while others may be deeper than as I share whatever life is throwing my way. Today's topic is a bit of a serious one as it is something I've been struggling with this past week.
Entry #1: Letting Go
I guess I've always known that I
was am a control freak to an extent but it has totally taken on a new level since getting married and having kids. A week ago today was a prime example. Because you see...my oldest started Kindergarten.
Now don't get me wrong, this is not the first time my kiddos have been away from me for a period of time. They both started preschool at 2 and it was such a great decision for both them and myself. (I personally think we all need a little separation every now and again.) But this is FULL DAY (everyday) Kindergarten we are talking about.
And while I was so excited for my little girl and couldn't wait for her to experience "big girl" school, something inside me ached after dropping her off.
That first day was especially hard for me. And being home with her lil' sis was even more of a reminder that something...someone....was missing. We were both feeling it. And I know it was such a new experience for my youngest as well. Because up until now they had been together.....always.
I kept wondering if she was scared or lonely, even though I knew deep down that she would thrive. And honestly, that was partially what scared me most of all. Not to see her learn and succeed....because that is exactly what I want for her. But for her to learn and discover life without me.....that was hard. Not so much what the teacher would "teach" her, but the everyday interactions and experiences with her peers. What if she came home saying things that her dad and I had (intentionally) NOT taught her?
Well, the first day came and went as did the rest of the first week. And I have to say, even though I am still struggling a bit, I know she is where she needs to be. She has loved every day. And she is still my sweet little punky that I know and love. I also know that this is just my first real experience of letting her go.